UPDATE~~~
I have been skillfully avoiding anything that resembles actual work ALL DAY. Instead, I have been surfing the blogosphere like an addict, hoping for those posts to satisfy my need for a fix. I don't care if it's good news, bad news, ranting and raving, talking about pets, whatever. It's a distraction. Some of you may notice I post comments about everything. I apologize in advance if these seems needy and annoying. I'm compelled. Concentrating on someone else's 'stuff', even for just the minute it takes to read and respond, is therapeutic for me. I am a true social worker. I can help any other person through any other problem, as long as I am not personally involved or invested!
I am feeling better after spending these last few hours reading other's thoughts. Going to see a movie this afternoon in attempt to further enmesh in another time and place, so as not to focus on my current woes and worries.
To add to the concern, I started to spot a little this afternoon. That, of course, gives me pause. While trying to maintain my 'you never know' attitude, I cannot help but to find myself continuing to doubt this IVF will be successful. I do not regret trying again and I know we have other plans should this fail. But I will be so so sad. I think being sad now is my self preservation for the bigger bomb that may drop on Monday.
Anyway, I hope everyone has a good weekend and that when I surf again there is good news out there!!!

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I am officially depressed. Last night I just went to bed at 9:00, missing ER. I have rarely missed a show since it's debut, much less choosing not to watch. I will admit that there was no way in hell I was going to miss Grey's Anatomy and I stayed up for that~
Now I'm at work. This entire week has been difficult and I find myself unable to concentrate on anything. This is not good. My job does not stop for anything. It actually seems to be more stressful and demanding when I am at my lowest and feel I have nothing left to contribute. Most times I use work as an escape, throwing myself into solving the problems of my abused kids and their parents. When at home, I clean like a madwoman as a way of avoidance of any bad feelings. Neither of these are working.
My head is in a daze. I want to cry all the time. Hubby is upset because he doesn't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with me. The more I try not to think about this being the end of the road, the more I focus on it. Now I'm full on depressed.
What a crappy post. I honestly find myself typing because I am hoping that if maybe I write it down it will somehow dissipate or lessen or something. I don't expect any responses; particularly because (as in many cases) there is no appropriate reply. I know things will be ok, and I know this is a phase, and I know I know I know.......but here I am just the same.