They DO Exist

We are not alone!! This is what I have been discovering while neurotically surfing the blogosphere. I am not alone doing IVF. I am not alone being scared to fail - AGAIN. I am not alone getting bad blood draws. I am not alone getting sick of feeling like a human pin cushion (with fugly bruises to match). I am not alone feeling like I've lost all possible dignity with the daily gina jamming (aka, internal ultrasounds). I am not alone wanting someone to read my little thoughts and leave comments!
I do want to comment (on a somber note) how sad it really does make me to read about other women's struggles and failures. Miscarriages, low follicle counts, failed IVF, unbalanced pregnancies. Even my own basically undiagnosed infertility seems like nothing when I read the road blocks these women have faced. I selfishly hope I am lucky enough not to have to go down those same roads. I was devistated at a completely failed IVF. I couldn't imagine a successful one leading to a miscarriage. Shudder........

Another appointment this morning. Again, excited to get a draw on the first prick with minimal bruising and swelling. You know it's bad when they go straight to your hands........

Follicle count at a whopping 20. Yes, I said TWENTY! Woo hoo! I know I used that in the last post but it truly accounts for my thoughts; so I'll say/write it again. Woo hoo!
Lovie still in the lead with a solid 12. Looks pretty freakin stuffy in there by the ultrasound picks. I wondered if the little eggs get clostrophobic all shoved together in those follicles?

Other IVFers have commented about their hormone levels and such. Either I am niave or single minded because I don't even think to ask about that. Probably because I would then have to ask what the hell the number they gave me meant! I am strict folly counter. And sizer. I strain to see that monitor and even pointed one out I though the NP missed. She thought that was funny. I didn't want to get shorted anything! She promised me that during the removal, they can't miss a thing and usually do catch a few the monitoring may have overlooked. Whatever bitch! I'm here for NUMBERS!!!

On the medication update, still shooting up Follistem, 225 AM and PM, taking the antibiotic AM and PM, and the last 2 days the Ganirelix shot. Did I mention I think I am completely allergic to the Ganirelix?? After the injection, the entire area turns red and itches like a SOB!! Oh, it's horrid. I end-up doing a little dance like kids when they have to pee ~ trying to mind over matter myself into not scratching. Then if I do scratch, it hurts more because I already have a bajillion little needle holes and beastly bruising. Ok, maybe not a bajillion. But the bruising is oh so sexy~
I was hoping the retrieval would be tomorrow, but it's now looking like Saturday. Honestly, I wanted it sooner rather then later so I wouldn't have to blow another $400 on a Follistem cartridge. It's almost $200 a shot! That's absolutely insane! I don't even buy shoes that are over $30! All this money and we haven't even started paying for the potential child. That kid's going to be in hand me downs and thrift store threads unless the grandparents cough up some cute duds.......

So today's my birthday. Another year gone by with no bundle of joy. Bundle of bills, yes. Oh well. It was a pretty good day, anyway. I remember thinking that I would have a child by 30 and now that has come and gone. Not for lack of trying. Then people ask what you want for your birthday and all you want is to be knocked up and that's something they just can't get you. Then you blow out your candles and everyone knows what you wished for. And isn't there a rule that if people know your wish it won't come true? Maybe I should start wishing I never have a baby. And that baby I'm never going to have is yucky and mean and no one likes them. A little reverse wishing psychology!

Another appointment tomorrow and hopefully we'll be moving forward. I swear there's no more room in the Lovie Inn..................