Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mom wants to relinquish!
For those of you out of the terminology loop (haha), this means she wants to sign her rights away. At the meeting, she stated she has done a lot of things regarding her case plan, but realizes she cannot provide the life her children deserve. She asked if we would adopt Christopher and his sister.
Insert jaw drop and almost falling out of chair followed by failed attempt to hold back tears
I couldn't believe it. My stomach did such a flip I almost threw-up.
PGM was there and I asked about her position on wanting to get the kids - you know, because no one else was addressing this MAJOR issue. She stated she didn't know, but it didn't seem fair to take the baby boy away from the only mother he's ever known.
But she didn't say no.
So Friday I meet with the moody CM who informs me even if paternal grandparents report interest, she and the AAG (atty for the state) will argue best interest for the children. some stuff came up during my side conversation with PGM (forgot to mention I brought her to my house after the meeting so she could meet the boy. I wanted her to see I was willing to let her be a grandparent, see what a nice place he'd live, etc etc) that led me to believe they wouldn't pass a home study, anyway.
CM asked when I thought I would start visiting with his sister, Alize. Told her I was waiting for the green light and she said "Green".
So it's happening. Really happening. I am soooooo freaked out!!!!!
Today we're tossing around ideas for a new name for baby boy. Alize with remain Alize, Ally for short. Her current foster home is pretty lenient with her and I already know my work will be cut out for me. She's three and needs to be potty trained, has some speech delay, and is a bit of a wild child. I'll start visiting with her during the week while my parents come over and watch the boy, then have her here, then a few overnights, weekends, and then voila'! A family of four.
Did I mention we may also take the 11 year old brother???? (0:
Monday, May 04, 2009
Anyhoo, the latest battle is mostly within myself, although COMPLETELY spear headed by our lovely case manager.
Short version is this:
Haven't see her in a few months, which is no big deal as I need nothing from her.
Called the FM that has the two other siblings and she mentions she spoke with the PGM. say what?? You mean the PGM I've been asking about for months now?? Great. AND?? FM is a little old and loopy, thus not a great source of information. Said she asked about the kids and said she wanted a visit but that was really all. FM redirected her back to the CM.
Did I mention CM gave the CM the PGM's number and had HER call??
Feeling a bit put-out and out of the loop, but ok. at least I know there's communication happening.
CM sends e-mail wed night asking if I am available Thurs for a visit after noon. Respond to e-mail stating we have pediatric appt at 11, followed by errand running and a nap, so how about 4? Ask CM to call with details.
CM calls at 1, rudely tells me she doesn't care if the baby is up or not, she has another appt about 25 min away at 4:15, so she'll swing by here on her way to the appt and "I'll say what I have to say and you say what you have to say and then I'll go". um, ok. agreed to swing by at 3:15.
After 3 shots, nap time and baby are not agreeable. Don't hear phone ring, here beep for missed call. CM had called about 3 minutes before, leaves message stating she's not coming because I'm not answering my phone, and I now need to call her supervisor to have someone else from her office come over here.
Now I'm feeling avoided. And paranoid. And mad.
Send e-mail stating I was sorry to have missed her call, but didn't realize her attending the visit was dependent upon my answering my phone. Asked when the next staffing was (she had mentioned there would be one and would tell me details when she came over). Informed her I was available for a visit any day except the 6th, and any time between 10 and 2 to avoid times in which I put baby down for a nap.
Reply e-mail was to meet at 9 on a friday, and that the staffing was scheduled for the 6th.
Now I am in WTF mode.
I cancel all plans for the 6th, get my parents to come over to watch baby b/c now I'll be damned if my ass is not going to be there for that meeting.
The meeting is a TDM - Team Decicion Making. This meeting has two sole purposes. Either to change the case plan to severance, which means they'll be going to court to try and terminate parental rights, or to discuss a change in placement - which could mean those grandparents want more then a visit.
I am paranoid, I admit, that all this avoidance may be to get around an uncomfortable discussion regarding relative placement.
Or it could be the better option.
Let's hope for that.
Friday, March 13, 2009
There are many women from my mom's group pregnant. Again. And each one of them has made a comment about it being unplanned, too soon, stressful, and UNPLANNED.
Most days I don't think much about infertility. What was once at the forefront of life has now become a visiting echo, usually once a month (need I say more). And yet there are times I feel like I'm back at square one, with thoughts of barrenness and blackness and depression.
Today is one of those days.
Of course it didn't start out that way. It began with the now usual 5 AM wake-up call from a baby boy who believes that just because his eyes have popped open for a moment he should rise for the day. And god forbid the mommy doesn't get her ass in there ASAP. Then the mouth opens as wide as the eyes and it's not pretty.
So we rise, don't really shine, and spend the rest of the AM yawning, zoning out, basically all the crap you do when you get up too early.
Today we hosted a play date with the mom's group. 2 and under to keep a level playing field with the grunting children wanting everything the other has; gotta keep a fair fight.
I knew about a couple of the moms and had already had my fuck off mental moments, and one of them was at the play date. Then another pops up and mentions her morning sickness.
And another says 'oh, we just found out it's another boy. we were really hoping for a girl this time'.
um, fuck off.
And the kicker: 'we just found out yesterday. I don't know how far along I am but I'm pissed I'm going to have to miss a girl's trip to wine country that was scheduled for next month.'
Did I mention almost saying fuck off out loud at this point????
What are the chances that three of the six moms are knocked-up? Seriously? Those are Vegas worthy odds people!
It's not really that I wish ill on these people, or that they should have to edit conversation for my benefit. I fully realize my empty womb is not the headline news or their responsibility. Shit, it's not even my own responsibility.
But that doesn't mean it didn't make for a crappy afternoon.
You would think that parenting would somewhat fill this empty void I have, and sometimes it does, but having him as a foster child still leaves the door open. It's not permanent. I feel my heart keeping him at a bit of a distance, a self preservation act. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he left so we could switch to a private adoption and have something final.
And really, days like this I'm just wishing I could find that fountain all those bitches are drinking from so I can stop having to think about any of it at all.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
We just had his first birthday party last weekend. It was several weeks past the actual date but I needed more time since the holidays...
The party had a car theme and here's the bigger cake I made for everyone else. It is actually 4 (yes FOUR) cakes put together. A bit excessive, but oh well.
Not much else going on except the very bad news the boy's PGM has requested a home study, reporting she wants baby boy and his sister. Hubs and I have found we are at the end of our heartstrings and will not be able to continue fostering if baby boy leaves. We may look into private adoption, we may call it a sign and give up on children completely (this is actually me and not him). We'll see how it works out. I am trying desperately not to think about it too much or I'll drive myself mad. But if you want to think about it and wish/pray/whatever your juju thing is that PGM is not suitable I wouldn't ask you not to~