Friday, July 25, 2008

be still my beating heart

This post title is two fold.
First off, the DHEA is making my heart race. I dropped down to 25mg twice a day instead of three times and will see if I can chill out for awhile. So far I can't tell it's doing anything, then again, I'm not sure I'll really see any effects. I bought a three month supply and will stick to it. After those 90 days I may call it another failed experiment and move on.

Second off, biomom went AWOL from outpatient treatment.
Evil **YEAY*** inserted here.
CM came by for a visit and mentioned she was going to have to do a drop-in to one of mom's visits because she hasn't made contact with mom. Stated she's sent letters and tried calling her at the outpatient facility. no response. I thought this was strange because mom isn't like that. I dismissed it.
Then the worker who does his visits mentioned she had difficulty contacting mom to confirm the visit, and the outpatient facility stated she wasn't there.
I am unclear if she was never there or if she went and left.
Either way it goes against her treatment plan.

As a CM, EVERY parent I had that didn't follow their plan relapsed.

So now I hope, which is sad, but oh well. I'm over feeling guilty for wishing bad things on a bad parent. If her relapsing means I get to keep my Sweet Pea, I'll wish on every star in the galaxy. After all, she's an adult who can make her own decisions. So really, no amount of my wishing will have any real effect, but it will sure make me feel better!

Not much else to report. He's teething again but nothing I can see so far. I think it's his top teeth working their way down.
Started on solids and he's a piggy. Sometimes worry he eats too much!
He loves the mesh baggy.... I've put peaches in it, which he pulverized, but mostly the toddler poofs. He likes to chew on them and then sucks on it once they are mush. He screams when it's gone or he drops it. He's still got some kind of short circuit on his hand eye coordination. Like he does not realize he can hold onto it and put it in his own mouth. Instead, he will sit there like a bird with his mouth wide wide wide open until you put it in there for him.
It's quite comedic. I think he's just being a lazy daisy.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I can't believe I'm sooooo far behind on the blog.
And I have no excuse.
So I will not bother with any.

Let's see if I can sum up the past -almost- month for any of you still checking in here~

On Friday the 13th, SP (Sweet Pea) stopped crying at the visit. Initially, I chocked it up to the date. But then the next week he was quiet again.
So I let the girls who supervise the visits (they are not parent aides, not with CPS, just dummies for hire who 'supervise' the visits while texting and doing absolutely NOTHING so I don't know what to call them other then the girls who supervise the visits (and I use supervise ever so lightly)) I would no longer be transporting SP.

One girl was cool, the other not so much. Tried to talk me into transporting one way giving me a sob story about how she was coming from far away and may not have time to pick him up and make it to the visit on time. I politely informed her that the only reason I transported until now was SP's unexplained screaming. Now that he was his normal happy self, I no longer desired to spend money on gas, put miles on my car, or use any of my time.

Although I must admit that for all my talk about asserting yourself, I kind took a chicken approach and mentioned the above reasons, but put a lot of emphasis on the fact that mom doesn't want me at the visits so I'd really like to take myself out of the equation entirely. Which is true, but let's face it, I seriously could give a shit what bio-mom thinks.

So the boy goes to visits with bio-mom and siblings two days in a row, two hours a time. This gives me about 3 hours of alone time two days in a row to splurge and do stuff. You know, like mopping the floor. Uninterrupted. Woo hoo.

Nothing else new on the case part of things. Mom still in in-patient, still has yet to test her sober legs in the real world. Still a lot of work to be done, a lot more time to bond with SP hoping she screws up.

SP is rolling over all the time, often when he doesn't really mean or want to. This also happens at night, which is really exciting when he wakes up all freaked out and screaming because he can't flip back over.
I know this will pass, we went through it with baby boy.

He's 6 months old as of yesterday and has 2 teeth on the bottom. Early for this development.
He loves loves loves going swimming and we're in the pool almost every evening. So much so that my hubs thought to ask "When's the last time SP had a bath?"
hmmmmmmmm. Isn't his 30 minute dip in our saltwater pool a bath? He doesn't come out smelling quite as good, but........

He goes underwater, floats, splashes and jumps. And all the while smiling like a fool! Water baby for sure.
The jumping spread from the pool to the indoors, where sadly, gravity has a much stronger pull. my poor thighs are black and blue, and a ghastly shade of white, but that's natural.
Into the jumperoo you go!
Now he jumps in the jumperoo, and will fall asleep with his little legs still going. It's so cute!

What else.....
Transitioned him from the swings to the crib for naps, am able to put him in the crib awake and walk away and he'll go to sleep on his own.

As he turned 6 months, he's officially able to start on food. Let me tell ya, this kid acts like he's been starving to death for the past 6 months.
Actually grabbed the spoon in my hand to shove it in his mouth quicker. Whined between bites because I wasn't fast enough.
I have a feeling we'll be transitioning from the oatmeal to REAL baby food in record speed.

As for me, I started taking DHEA. Read a bunch of fairly recent studies on it's positive effects on egg productivity, so I figured I'd give it a shot.
What's really interesting is the first two side effects are fatigue and acne.
So what you're telling me is that I may have better egg production but I'll be too tired and disgusting looking to want to have sex.
Yeeeeah. Great.
Thus far have definitely gotten the fatigue part. I sleep like a log and am tired all the time. Also got the acne, which is not so great, either.
Both are getting better, and I hope they will continue to do so, or I may just forget it.

There have been several people picked for adoption recently and we're considering that route. We aren't making any decisions for at least 6 months because it will take at least that long to see what's going to happen with SP's case. If we find out he's 99% sure going back to mom, I'll go back to work ~ to make that 30 grand a private adoption will cost us. SP will go to daycare, paid for by the state, which is fine b/c if he goes to mom he'll be in daycare, anyway.
I'll make some money (very slowly since I don't get paid didly as a social worker) and we'll get on the waiting list.

I must admit it feels good to have a plan B. I have lost some faith in the system, so I need something else. I already knew about the system flaws, but truly thought my connections would pay off somehow and we'd get a permanent placement more quickly. Oh well.
And plan C is still to find that one good egg hiding up in there somewhere. I haven't let go of the pregnancy dream. It's not a major focus, but not out of my system.