Sunday, October 01, 2006

Why don't I ever listen?

pregnancy test = $10.99
waiting til AM to take it = difficult
POAS without missing = pretty easy
look on my DH face when I told him it was negative = horrid
sinking feeling in my own stomach = $15,000

I fully realize these tests are not accurate this early in the game, but I was compelled to try it anyway. JUST ONCE I thought it would be fun to POAS when it could possibly be positive. When there was an actual chance and not just wishfull thinking after being 2 days late for AF.
Oh well.
Now I just have to wait until tomorrow for the blood test like everybody else.
Damn.

I admitted to dh this morning that this IVF has felt different from the last. I have been holding back because I didn't want to get either of our hopes up, but the truth is, a great deal of the time I think it worked. I had the 'pangs' associated with embie implantation. My boobs hurt, I'm tired, I'm gassy (which for me is huge since I'm one of those wierdos who rarely farts; but I can burp better then many men), I craved cheese (I don't eat dairy), I get hungry then grossed out by food, and I just feel, well, different.
And I don't think it's psychological because last time was the opposite. I just KNEW it hadn't worked and told dh that a few days before the test. The biggest devastation was not the negative test, but the news none of the other embies survived and it was a one shot deal.

This is why I am stressed out this time. Because part of me thinks it really may have happened, and the other part thinks I'm setting myself up for major disappointment by entertaining the idea of success.
This is SO why they do not want us POAS!
Again, oh well.

We'll see what we see tomorrow.
And thanks for the support after my last post. I really appreciated it. REALLY.

6 comments:

Kim said...

I am as bad as you. I said I would wait till Monday to check back but I have checked to see if you updated about 4 times since your "update". I am on pins and needles as well. But my needles don't hurt or leave marks as it did you. I really hope it did work and happy to hear you are having "feelings" this time different from last. I hope you update asap tomorrow because I will be checking every hour. Hoping to send you maternity clothes for xmas. All my prayers and wishes for the best news of your life tomorrow, Kim

Doris & Ez said...

OK, so we're on pins and needles too! We've been checking your blog two or three times a day for updates. I think things are sounding positive - fart on, little princess!

sube said...

What does an evil little pee stick know anyway?

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Everything's crossed.

NikkiNix said...

And the clock ticks until the phone rings.... TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

Cripes - I hate this !

Hopeful Mother said...

I, too, hate the pee-stick. It would be so nice if it was just plain wrong for you!

I saw that you have tagged me, so I'll start working on that ASAP...

Hopeful Mother said...

I, too, hate the pee-stick. It would be so nice if it was just plain wrong for you!

I saw that you have tagged me, so I'll start working on that ASAP...