I am breathing again, and actually slept last night after tossing and turning and such Friday night.
Still crying at the drop of a hat, but I have a feeling that will take some time to subside.
Now I am planning my attack.
I already sent the CM an e-mail in response to hers requesting some visits before a permanent move. I know Monday will be too late, but Tues, Wed, Thurs and then move on Friday seems pretty reasonable to me. I am willing and able to transport so the only issue would be MGM schedule.
Come Monday morning, I will wait until 8:30AM. CM should be in at 8:00 so this gives her 30 minutes to respond to my request. After that, I am going to call the supervisor's supervisor.
I know the lingo. I know the policy. I know how to be diplomatic and bitchy all at the same time. So I may have a shot at making this a little bit better.
Hubs is saying he doesn't know if he can do it again. In many ways I agree. On the other hand, how do you go from being a mom to not? Are we willing to pay the money and get put on that long waiting list of people holding out for adoption? We're on the list for CPS, but our age range is 3 and under - just like 90% of the other people on the list.
I know right now isn't the time to make any decisions as our heads just aren't in it. But we will need to decide soon so I know if I need to go back to work. I will not be able to sit around here all alone for long without another child. If we decide to keep trying, I want another sooner rather then later so I'm not sitting around lamenting the loss.
Right now I'm focusing on getting his scrapbook done. Then it's on to sorting through his clothes to see which ones will fit him long enough to be worth sending. Then toys, deciding what he likes enough to send and what should stay here for future children.
And it sucks I have to do it all by myself.