Sunday, March 02, 2008

The plan

I am breathing again, and actually slept last night after tossing and turning and such Friday night.
Still crying at the drop of a hat, but I have a feeling that will take some time to subside.

Now I am planning my attack.

I already sent the CM an e-mail in response to hers requesting some visits before a permanent move. I know Monday will be too late, but Tues, Wed, Thurs and then move on Friday seems pretty reasonable to me. I am willing and able to transport so the only issue would be MGM schedule.

Come Monday morning, I will wait until 8:30AM. CM should be in at 8:00 so this gives her 30 minutes to respond to my request. After that, I am going to call the supervisor's supervisor.

I know the lingo. I know the policy. I know how to be diplomatic and bitchy all at the same time. So I may have a shot at making this a little bit better.

Hubs is saying he doesn't know if he can do it again. In many ways I agree. On the other hand, how do you go from being a mom to not? Are we willing to pay the money and get put on that long waiting list of people holding out for adoption? We're on the list for CPS, but our age range is 3 and under - just like 90% of the other people on the list.

I know right now isn't the time to make any decisions as our heads just aren't in it. But we will need to decide soon so I know if I need to go back to work. I will not be able to sit around here all alone for long without another child. If we decide to keep trying, I want another sooner rather then later so I'm not sitting around lamenting the loss.

Right now I'm focusing on getting his scrapbook done. Then it's on to sorting through his clothes to see which ones will fit him long enough to be worth sending. Then toys, deciding what he likes enough to send and what should stay here for future children.
And it sucks I have to do it all by myself.


Yondalla said...

When Ann I had been part of the decision. I was still trying to figure out a way to make it work, but I had agreed with the social worker that staying at house permanently wasn't going to work. I expected it to be weeks though.

On a Monday evening she started screaming at Roland at the offices. It was so extreme that the grapevine got the story to Carl and Job Corps the next day. On Tuesday they called to say they were definitely working on a plan to move her.

On Wednesday I was to go to a conference and she was to go to respite. They called and asked if her suitcase was packed. When I said yes they told me to take her back to her previous foster home instead and asked how long it would take to move the rest of her things.

It was so fast. It was a move I agreed with and I knew I would still be part of her life, but still it was like ... like nothing I can describe. I took her and then went to Roland's work place so he could drive me to the airport. On the way I told him that Ann didn't live with us anymore.

It was hard for him to believe what he was hearing. He went to work and she did. He came home and she did not. In the end I could not make myself get on the plane. Instead I skipped the conference and stayed back to help pack up all her things.

It left me disoriented and gasping for breath, and it was small compared to what you are going through.

I'm glad you have a plan. I hope they give you the transition time.

My Reality said...

I can't imagine having to do this at all, and to do it alone. I admire your strength, Steph.

Your plan sounds reasonable to me, I hope that somebody will listen to you.

Bea said...

Just catching up. I can't imagine what this feels like, but I hope you can make the transition smooth for your little guy. Good luck with your plan.


Baggage said...

I'm really sorry.

Kara said...

Stay strong, you can and will get through this.

Treasured Grace said...

I am so so very sorry for how this is all happening.
I wish like many others that there is something, anything I could do for you.
Sad and crying with you right now...sorry
ps I know you feel like you can't do this again I felt the same too but as things would turn out approx. 10 days after Sweet Baby left I got a call about Precious Baby Girl. She will be joining our family as of tomorrow. It won't ever change how I feel about Sweet Baby I still cry when I think of him but it does help with the pain and gives my heart and arms something to hold again.
Hang in there

Mary said...

My heart is breaking with yours.

hope548 said...

I'm so sorry it's all going down this way. What a bunch of bullshit! Didn't even have the courtesy to call you on the phone. I hope you are allowed more time for the transition.

Amanda said...

On the other hand, how do you go from being a mom to not?

You don't. This is the hardest part. I think you're right to want another placement as soon as possible.