Monday, March 03, 2008


I could paste the responding e-mails I received from the CM and her supervisor (aka piece of shit) but here's the jist:
- MGM's visits have allowed him to bond with her.
- If I knew anything about child development, I would know it will be more harmful then helpful to confuse him with going back and forth for more visits.
There was more but there's the highlights.

So I called the next person above. I explained my frustration with no transition. He appeared concerned there have not been more visits, but stated he needed to discuss it with the CM and her supervisor. I also mentioned the issues between myself and the supervisor and that I thought this may have lended some of the ill treatment that has gone on in this case.

He responded via e-mail about an hour later.

There is now a 2 hour visit at MGM home tomorrow in which I will take him and the case aide will meet us there to translate. Seems they think I would be pacified if I was able to tell her how to care for the baby. Although this is not my point, I'll take it.
Then on Wednesday I will take him there for good.

Still crap, but a step up from complete shit.

I think seeing the home and him with MGM there will help me a lot. I still wish there were more visits, but he's a happy kid and my heart knows he will adjust quickly.

Now I am sorting through his clothes trying to figure out what to send. He's at that in-between size where the 6-9 month is getting a little short, but there isn't a lot out there for 9 months. Just jumps to a 12 month size. I have already purchased a bunch of 12 month clothes, so I am trying to figure out how much of the other to send knowing he will outgrow them very quickly. If I keep them I could use them for a future child myself.

Which brings me to telling hubs I want another child right away. He's coming around. I am hoping my old contacts will pay off somehow and a permanent placement will come along. My heart is so heavy knowing the risk of fostering again with no guarantees. But it is heavier thinking about not having a child at all.

In a way I am glad to be alone right now. It's been harder dealing with other people and I've always been one to cry when others are hurting.... even when they are hurting for me.
When I stop and think it through, I know this is not as bad as it seems. He is going to a good home, he will be happy, and we will move on.

But I have a feeling I'll be drunk by noon on Wednesday.


OHN said...

Oh my God Steph. I haven't stopped by to read for awhile and I am just so fucking sad about your whole situation. In my heart I really thought that MGM was going to relent. And I can't stand the piece of shit supervisor. You are right, it is situations exactly like this why I can't do what you do. You have given the boy the very best of yourself and you have to believe that it has started him out knowing how to love. I will be thinking of you over the next few days.

Anonymous said...

I had hoped that something would have changed. Let us know how it goes tomorrow, k?

Janine said...

Oh Steph, I'm fairly new to reading your blog, but had to comment after hearing how your little fellah is moving on. I also foster babies, but not with the intent to adopt (we don't have foster/adopt in Australia anyway) so for me it's sad but inevitable when they move home or onto another family. Your grief will be hard, but I hope another babe comes your way quickly. Keep strong over the next few days.

Amanda said...

I'm thinking of you, Steph. So sorry.

Holly said...


I fell apart when our first set of twins left, so I know how you're feeling and I'm soooo sorry. But our next twins were keepers and I couldn't imagine a better fit. Hang in there, let yourself grieve even when others think you should be over it. It does get better with time.