Friday, February 29, 2008

Date: Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:48:17 -0700
Subject: RE: baby boy.

The CPC has been signed by the court, so I need to move the baby as soon as possible. I want to give you some time to get things together and say good bye. The Case aide and I will be moving M on Wednesday, March 5. We will be by around 10:00 am. Thanks for the update on M's progress. You have done a great job with him, and I appreciate it.

If you have any questions just let me know. I will see you Wednesday.
Piece of shit case manager

Took out the baby's name and a little liberty with the cm's name.
Note how she sent an e-mail, didn't call, and then sent the fucking thing at 5:45PM when I would not be able to call her at the office.

Note how completely and utterly fucking fucking pissed I am, which is my only defense between bouts of crying and near hyperventilation.

My husband is out of state for another week. He won't even get to say good-bye.

No transition.

Did I mention I can't breathe?

Monday morning will start a shit storm. I will be calling the cm and her supervisor's supervisor. Remember, her direct supervisor is the piece of shit I used to work with and who has a personal problem with me - even though she's the one who screwed up. So no point in trying to go through her, going directly over her ass.
Already sent an e-mail to GAL as well as leaving her a vmm.

I don't know if I can do this again. I am losing my baby in the worst possible way.

This shit is why there are so many foster parents who quit. This shit is why CPS gets a bad reputation. This shit is why there are so many fucked up kids in the world. Kids who started out great and then some asshole took advantage of that great happy little disposition and stunted them for life.

God I hope my baby comes out of this ok.

I am all alone and the only thing I can think of to do is write on this stupid blog.
I can't stop crying and I don't know what to do with myself. I tried to take a bath and relax. I tried watching TV. I tried calling my best friend but hung up before dialing because I just can't TALK about it. And now I'm here sitting in the dark alone in this fucking house typing away.
I don't know how to end this post.


elly parker said...

Steph, god no.... Can hubbie cut the business trip short, get home a little earlier? Work is good at arranging that when needed!

I'm so sorry to hear that it's ending this way - it's really not fair on you or the boy...

HUGE virtual hugs coming from me, George (and my mum, she's staying with us this weekend), our thoughts are with you all.

Melissa said...

Oh Steph...I can't believe this is happening to you. I'm so sorry that things are ending so abruptly.

I just don't know what to say. I'll be thinking about you. Lots of hugs and virtual brownies ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh Steph! How awful. I can't believe this has been handled this way. It is so heartbreaking that they are just going to come and take him away. I wish there was something I could do.

If you want to chat, you have my email address. Screaming, ranting and tears are all fine.

Innocent Observer said...

I'm really, really sorry. Inadequate words, I know.


liveurlife said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. So sad.

FosterAbba said...

I am sorry this is happening. This is, of course, exactly why so many foster parents quit.

We are quitting, as soon as we can come to some sort of resolution with our current foster child.

No more after this one. No more.

Yondalla said...

The most recent question I have on the blog is "what is the most difficult part of foster care?"

This is. Absolutely the worst part.

Write as much as you need to dear.

We are here.

Amanda said...

Oh, God, Steph, I am so so so sorry. I wish I could do anything to help... unfortunately, I know there is nothing.

I really hope that by some miracle hubby can get home early to say goodbye.

And you are, of course, completely right. This is why we quit.

Maerlowe said...

Every time this happens to someone, my heart breaks. I know it doesn't help at all, but almost every foster parent I know has gone through this, usually with a few hours' notice. You are not alone, there are lots of people out here who know all too well how much this hurts, and even those of us who haven't had to say goodbye lived for months or years with the possibility looming nearby. I am so sorry, but do know that you will get through it. This is what the system does. And we're all here for you.