Saturday, October 28, 2006

Cars with no engines. Tweenkies with no filling.

Went to the dr on Thursday for a follow-up. I was looking for some more concrete answers then the same ol' "we'll see how it goes" crap. This time I walked in knowing I was not leaving until I got the dr to give me a real opinion. He was receptive and open. Went through the entire cycle.

18 eggs retrieved, 15 mature. All hormone levels normal. Wonderful stim. Embie dr watches all the eggs, including immature. Puts immature in dish and surrounds with sperm just to see what happens. One of my 3 fertilized. So we're at 16 ebies to start.
And that's where it all goes to shit.

Embies are supposed to divide and multiply. Mine seem to have missed that memo. Most stalled quickly, around the 4 cell mark. The "good" one implanted was a 16 cell, however, it jumped from 4-16 and kinda missed the 8 point, which is abnormal. Other two "best" embies were 7 cell, which is pretty dismal as they should have at least been at 8.

SO WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME IS THAT MY EGGS ARE BAD?
Well, not bad exactly, but obviously abnormal. They appear to be missing the mechanism that encourages the cell division necessary for growth.

IS THERE ANY WAY TO CORRECT THIS?
No.

WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS?
We could continue to try IVF in the hopes that there is one good egg in there, but to be honest, it doesn't look good. You could opt for a donor egg, however, this will be quite expensive and there are no guarantees. There is quite a waiting list for donor eggs as we speak. If you had your own sponsor, you could get started a lot sooner, and it would mediate the cost of buying someone's eggs, but you're still faced with a large expense and there are no guarantees that would lead to a successful pregnancy. There is a chance that your entire reproductive system is compromised, which would explain the continual production of abnormal eggs.

And that's it. Game over. Rotten eggs. Who'd have thought? I mean, I read about abnormal hormone levels, low sperm counts, bad stimulation....... the list goes on. But I have NEVER heard of rotten eggs. I had a guess since both rounds of IVF were similar with everything hunky dory until the ICSI part; But it's another thing entirely to hear it out loud. Loud like a door slamming. Bomb exploding. Hope being shattered like a million pieces of glass. My heart breaking.

11 comments:

chloe said...

I'm so sorry Steph.

Before giving up, maybe get a second opinion. I don't think it could hurt to get a different person's perspective.

Kris said...

I am so sorry. My eyes are welling up with this news. Sometimes I think that my "unexplained" infertility is the worst thing- to not know. But then to read this, I think that sometimes knowing has to be worse. I agree with Chloe, though, a second opinion might not be a bad idea.

Thinking of you.

Bea said...

I'm sorry you had to hear this news.

Bea

NikkiNix said...

Oh my goodness. Shattered is right - I feel it for you girl, and I am so sorry you had to hear that wheather true or not :(

Would a second opinion make it better? really?

I cannot imagine what you are going through. This whole Fertility game is so torturous at the best of times, but this - wow. I am speachless. I wish I had some fancy brilliant words of wisdom and encouragement but I can't seem to find them. Jeez, I wish I had some words of wisdom even, but all I have is tears and BIIIIIIGGGG HUGSSS !!!

Devestated,
Your Twin.

Beagle said...

I'm so very sorry.

lola said...

steph, my heart is breaking for you. i continue to be amazed at how random and unfair this all can be. i am thinking of you.

serenity said...

Steph... I am so so so SO sorry. What a horrible thing to have to hear.

I do think that another opinion is something worth exploring. I think that a lot of REs use the "rotten egg" excuse when they can't explain what's really going on.

Just my assvice, though - take it with a grain of salt.

*HUG* My heart hurts for you. Love to you right now.

Lara said...

OH Steph how awful! I can imagine how you felt when the RE told you that. Im soo scared my RE is gonna cut me off and say SEE YA! Wouldnt wanna be ya! So far he hasn't but I know Im a puzzle to him, I just hope he lets us try this a few more times before giving up on me. Of course a different RE may have different ideas about things. Like the girls above I think you might check into it before giving up completely on it.

Lisa said...

What a heartbreaking conversation that must have been. I'm so very sorry.

Carol said...

Steph - I'm sorry you had to hear all that. I've been exactly where you are - 5 cycles and a rotten egg diagnosis - so I do know how you feel. It's devastating and right now I guess you just need to process the feelings for a while. We got a second opinion, which agreed with the first. That wasn't any easier to hear, but it did make it a little easier to accept I guess. We are moving on to a donor cycle. The RE was willing to try again with my eggs if we wanted to, but we all agreed this is the best option for us at this point. I'm sure you will figure out the right path forward for you. Best of luck to you.

My Reality said...

Steph, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say, but there really isn't. Just know I am thinking of you.