Friday, October 20, 2006

Couldya just shite yourself

Interesting day to say the least. Started off with an 'are you serious' moment. I was discussing my plans to do foster/adopt with a licensing worker I know. She finally asked the BIG QUESTION: Why? I told her my husband and I had been trying for awhile and were unsuccessful having biological children. She then asked the usual have you tried this and that. Then she said this:

But you're so pretty!

OK. Did I miss something? Is there a correlation to looks and fertility? I struggle to believe this since I have some seriously fertile clients that in my opinion (most of which are surely tickets to hell) have been hit with the fugly stick a few times.

Then this conversation, about 30 minutes later. In the lunchroom sippin some soup and reading a trashy mag all by my lonesome when a girl comes in. There are A LOT of girls in this office, many of whom I don't know. We all run our own schedules and seldom interact with anyone other then the people in our unit (7 peeps). I don't know this girl's name or what she does.
She turns from the microwave and says "I know this is kinda wierd, but I was talking with 'heather' and she mentioned you have been doing IVF".

'Um, yeah'.

"I also heard you were going to be quitting to do foster care because it didn't work".

'right again'.

"Well, like I said, this is kinda wierd but when 'heather' told me this I decided to come and talk to you. My husband and I did IVF 3 times and it failed each time. All were fresh cycles because even though I had good results from stims and plenty of eggs, they were only able to get 2-3 good embies and the rest all stalled. The last cycle was in June. The doctor couldn't tell us what had happened, it just didn't work.
Since I am 34 and we've been trying 6 years, we decided to move on and adopt. We found and agency and started our paperwork. Last month, I found out I was pregnant. I'm 3 months".

'Wow. Congratulations. That's amazing'.

"Thanks. I just thought maybe if it happened for us it could happen for you. I think it's great you're going to do foster care, but I really hope you get a surprise like I did. You just never know."

And she's out the door.
I guess you just never know.

~ Oh, forgot to mention she is not pretty (in my evil opinion)
defiling the aforementioned comment of the day ~
~ Still don't know her name or what she does here ~
~ Maybe she was a figment of my imagination ~
~ Should I be using 'women' instead of 'girls'? Sounds old. Ladies sounds too formal ~


CA Momma said...

I actually had a Dr. question my decision to adopt. Then he said- "but you make such pretty babies! Why would you want to go and do something like adopt!" Ummmm...K..

Carol said...

uh, yeah - add 'pretty' to the list of things that 'we' are, and 'they' aren't. Yet somehow 'they' seem to get pregnant, and 'we' don't.

I saw a very pregnant woman recently, in public - in a big crowd actually - smoking a cigarette. I wanted to slap her. doesn't deserve it. Oh - and she wasn't pretty either.

Don't know what to say about your un-named co-worker drive by. Sounds like one of those stories you hear about your mother's friends cousin's daughter who gave up trying and all of a sudden got pregnant. I'm not sure I ever believe those stories. But if you heard it first hand, who knows...

wzgirl said...


Is that my problem? Hilarious. It just goes to show you that the whole IF thing is so hard to accept. Why? Why some & not others? Especially when so many take pg as a entitlement. If you're pretty, it should be easy for you.

What about Courtney Cox? Brooke? JLo?

I've heard some good ones - but this one was new. XO

chloe said...

You're right. Interesting doesn't even begin to describe your day.

I think I would have felt horror if a stranger came up and said those things to me without even a warning. I know she was trying to encourage you, but being a IF, I think she should have known better.

Building your family through adoption is a great thing (but you already know this) and DOESN'T mean you have to give up trying for a bio kid.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad I now know why I can't get pregnant - I am just too damn pretty. Ok, maybe not really, but her comment was good for a laugh!

Bea said...

Pretty? Yeah - seriously? What?


Beagle said...

Hmmm . . . very interesing theories some people have.

Sorry you had to encounter so much ignorance in one day.

I'm not sure if I'm pretty or not but three years into this I'm guessing it's not worth much even if I am.

Congrats to your urban legend coworker. I know two families like that myself, in real life. Both proceeded with adoption so have bio and adopted kids now. Still it is a VERY annoying thing for people to throw at you. Those stories get noticed because they are the exception not the rule.

I'd love to be an urban legned myself. Wouldn't we all!

The stupidest comment I ever got was "You just have to believe you'll get pregnant and it will happen."

Oh . . . how did I mess something so obvious?

Beagle said...

oops, that was miss something so obvious.