Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I appreciate all of the comments from my last post. There were many who thought I should get a second opinion. What I failed to mention is that this kinda WAS the second opinion.
When the first IVF failed so horribly, and we decided to try once more, we interviewed new doctors. I was upset with the first office because they did not inform me none of the embies were able to be frozen until I had the nurse call to check while I was getting my pg test. I knew I wasn't pregnant (you know, how you just KNOW), so I was really counting on the ability to transfer some frozen embies. Needless to say I was devistated, but also very very angry no one bothered to call and tell me.
We agreed to shop around. Interviewed 3 docs. #1 freaked me out because he was agreeing to do every test I wanted. Some may see this as a good thing, but I was concerned he didn't appear to have any opinion at all, just yep yep yep. Agreeable is good, but it was too much.
#2 was good but spent the entire time talking to my husband. I would ask a question and he would then look at hubby and respond. I redirected him a couple of times to talk to me, but blech. No thanks. It's my body he's going to be intimate with, the least he can do is make eye contact! Reminded me of a car mechanic who thinks the woman doesn't know anything so they automatically address the man. Unless you have nice boobies, of course.
Went with #3. He reviewed everything PRIOR to our appointment. He spoke to me, looked at me, addressed me. On the alternate, hubby commented being put off because the dr didn't pay him much attention! I laughed at that. Poor boys aren't used to that... pity. This same dr met with me last week and went over every part of the cycle. Showed me pictures, diagrams, the works. It was obvious he wanted me to understand everything, which was refreshing.
All of the other dr's had this and that vague idea of what the problem was, but #3 was precise. Did say there was always a chance, but I prefer this direct approach.
Before even entering, I had an idea my eggs were an issue. I looked over all the results of both treatments and saw where everything stalled. Happened right at the time of multiply and divide, which is the egg's responsibility.

In some ways I am ok with this outcome. I always said I just wanted an answer. Yeah, it's not a good answer, and sure as shit not the one I was hoping for, but there it is anyway. And my hope is not entirely gone, either. Maybe there's one hiding in there just waiting for the right moment. Maybe that's now.

Here's the interesting thing. I am late for AF. I started spotting a week ago, but nothing major and all dark. Now, nothing. Not even a hint of AF arrival. No bloating, cravings, cramps. Nada. It's CD 28. I am NOT getting my hopes up much, but it is interesting. I have always been irregular (and not just in this area hahaha) but this is a new thing. I have been early, or gone for 2 weeks straight, but usually spotting leads into the full cycle and I have all the symptoms in advance.
Can I just say that my body sucks? I will TOTALLY redact that statement if things change in the future, but for now I stand by it.


serenity said...

Well, it's an answer, and I guess it beats the "well, let's keep trying IVF even though we get crap results every time." Kudos to your doc for delivering really tough news. And super kudos to you for having such a great outlook right now.

I SO hear you about feeling like your body sucks...

Bea said...

You've taken the time to find someone you really trust, and it sounds like he's holding up to your expectations. There's always a what if. There's always someone who, after twenty-three consecutive failed cycles tried this and blah blah blah...

I'm sorry money has to be a factor in anyone's decision, but there are other things in that equation - like prognosis. In the end, you have to tote it all up: money + time + a professional prognosis + your gut feelings = your decision. It's just sad you were faced with it at all.


Baby Blues said...

My body sucks too!!!

wzgirl said...

These are just hard times right now, friend. Be kind to yourself....XO

Beagle said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.