There has been some chatter on other blogs about foster care issues, including motivation, kinship care, severance, and the rules. Although I have probably commented on each of these, I have been struggling with my own family and friends on some of these issues. Now I will rant about them a little bit here~
My parents are unable to understand that the boy will go to his grandmother. My father is the more vocal in his resistance, and frequently points out MGM already has a lot of her plate. Her home just burned down, she has three kids with her (baby's mom is her fourth but AWOL), she is a single parent, she is illegal, and the list would go on and on.
This is not at all uncommon; I heard this all before as a case manager.
It is hard to tell people that MGM should get him because she's family. Yes, she's struggling. Yes, he will take a monetary step down as she is a single parent. Yes, we could provide so much more to him in so many areas. Yes, she is his family and we are not.
All of this is so reasonable in my head. It's my heart that cries out BULLSHIT HE's MINE!!!
I also feel this enormous weight and there isn't even an ETA for him leaving yet. I am questioning more and more if I can continue this path of fostering. We are hoping to adopt here, so it is so difficult to fall in love with this little boy and then have him leave seven or so months later.
And yes, I knew this going into it. We took this route because I knew the system.
But as with everything, it's just not the same once you're all the way in it...
We talk about the next kids, but what if it's the same thing all over again. How many cracks can you make in a heart before it breaks?
I often think if we had our own children it would be easier because we wouldn't be looking so desperately for that family completion. When the boy leaves, the house is empty. And yet I know this is not the case as so many of the families I worked with grieved at the loss of their foster kids - right along side their biological children.
Needless to say I am feeling quite glum. I am working on this scrapbook for him to take, doing mental inventory of his things, sorting out what we will send and what we will keep for the next child/ren to come along. Trying to figure out how to convey all the things they will need to know so he is as understood as he is here. Where to tickle him. When to stop tickling. What that cry means, or that facial expression. The face I make when he's crying to make him laugh. The song I hum as I rock him when he's so sleepy he can't settle down.
There are no answers, really. I think that's what frustrates me the most. There is no right answer, no solution, no real words of comfort that will ease my pain. It just is what it is.
* I love accessories. Matching earrings, necklace, bracelet, purse, shoes. Of course, not so much at the moment as I am home all the time and the boy would try to eat any jewelry, but 'normally' I can't get enough.