I've recently heard from more then one person that I may share too much info.
I don't disagree.
I've always been the type to speak first think later, especially when not directly confronted with any kind of consequence for my words.
I feel this blog is a place for such honesty. It's my venting place, yes, but more importantly I see it as a place for two things:
1~ for others to see my point of view for whatever it's worth and maybe learn something new.
2~ for me to hear other's point of view and maybe learn something new.
I remember when first searching for other foster blogs hoping to find the dead honest truth about what was going on out there. No sugar coating, just bare bones honesty. Whether good or bad, I want to know. I want to hear about it, try to learn from it, be supportive to someone whenever I can.
I realized from a recent comment there are others just like me. Looking for a blog about 'their life', be it to find anothers perspective or experiences, just a way to KNOW.
I think it is important to be honest about foster care and adoption. Not everything is silver lined clouds.
There are days I feel like I'm doing something good, helping this little guy out at this important time in his life.
There are times I want to give it up, save money and emotion, and be able to go on trips at will without children. Hell, to go to a movie!
There are days I feel at peace about not being able to have my own biological children.
More often then not, I still feel the ache.
There are days I feel that by being adopted myself I can offer up more to a child we adopt.
There are days I feel I am perpetuating a cycle, like adoption is comparable to alcoholism.
There are days I want to walk away from my life and start over. I feel like I missed out on some experiences by never living anywhere else or venturing out on my own.
But every day I know there are others out there having their own days, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Many times doubting ourselves, looking for compassion or understanding from a complete stranger because they are not invested in us personally enough to hold back.
My point is I guess I will continue to write at random, am very likely to say too much, but oh well! I hope to find the same from others, and the blogs I consistently read are the ones that do.
In our lives we have to filter from those we love because we feel we have to shelter them from things, or don't want to burden them with our insecurities or fears or anger.
Here I feel we can all let loose and find some relief in getting as much as possible off our chests. Not that our loved ones and friends wouldn't understand, but at times you just need to rant and rave and curse and bitch and moan and then let it go.
And now that I've done that
Sweet Pea is doing remarkably well! The lotion has cleared up his cute little face and his tummy seems better. He's a total pig! Gained one pound in 5 days! He's night and day from his first week here, so much more comfortable.
He is pretty serious and doesn't smile often. But he is making eye contact and continues to 'talk' with us.
Last night he slept an entire 7 hours! YEAY!!!! He was only up once (3AM) before up for good at 6:15. Definite progress......
Nothing from the CM or anyone else. Sent CM 2 e-mails, no response. No visits, no updates, nothing. I plan on calling CM tomorrow and if I don't hear from her by the end of the week I'll contact her supervisor. I don't want to bug her, but need to make sure she is aware we're going out of town the end of the month.
So life continues. I am still pretty bored. I was so happy when baby boy was old enough to interact, had a routine nap time in his crib. We could go places, and do things. Now we're back to square one. Bleh.
And he does not like the car seat, making it even harder to go places or do things.
All in time. I know.