Friday, November 17, 2006

Ignorance is Bliss

At least for me. I know that many people read books on IF or adoption for information. I can't do this. My bio-aunt gave me a book on The Adopted Self when we first met. Guess she figured it may help me muddle through meeting the bio family and all the baggage that comes with discovery. I flipped through it, but really didn't read it. No interest.
I think in some ways I social work myself..... meaning I have mental counseling sessions in my own head about things. Not always, but usually I can process things really well, so I don't feel a need for more information. Reading blogs will tell anyone that the bottom line is usually the same, IF sucks, but the roads to that line are all different. I enjoy reading other's thoughts and stuggles and triumphs, but books don't convey the day to day I find in the blogs. I relate with the blog babes. I can't relate to some unknown author.

My husband just came in and started to read what I was typing. I asked him if he read this blog at all and he said "No. I figure it's kinda like your diary or something. Now if there was anything in there that you DIDN't want me to see, I'd be upset because I would hope we could talk about anything". I should count my blessings more often.

In other news, we went to OR last weekend to see the hubby's family. Well, our family. His step-sister lives there, although she and her husband are in Ireland for a few years working and traveling. They rented out their home while away and the renters left a cigarette smoldering. Burned the back 1/2 of the house. It was horrible to see. Of course there's the good news that no one was hurt, none of their belongings were in the home, and much of the home will be salvaged, but man. That's their home! And she put A LOT of work into it over the years. It's a 19th century Victorian in an upcoming neighborhood.
It brought back memories as my parent's home burned down 6 years ago. It was a total loss. It was horrifying to see the home I live in my entire life nothing but smoke and ash. To see my prom dress half melted, stuck to my letterman's jacket. But in the end, it's just stuff. Not everything can be replaced, but it's stuff.

Losing things makes me ponder a lot. I think about how lucky I am to have all the family I have. All the support. All the love. Everyone has been so wonderful about the infertility crap. They just want grandkids, no matter where they come from. They want to see us parents, even if it's not biological. They want us to be happy, and were sad with us when IVF failed again. They supported us emotionally and financially, contributing to the Fertility Fund for IVF #2.

I am looking forward to the holidays more this year than the past few years. It has been a horrible year, with many sad things happening. I am ready for it to be over, but moreover I am ready for a new year to begin. The fork in the road came quickly and we're pushed towards adoption. I can go kicking and screaming or full of hope and excitement. I can't read someone else's thoughts or opinions about it, just have to jump in and go for it myself. Nothing is ever perfect, and most things don't go the way you planned. IF fits into this thought like nothing else.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I plan spending Christmas with all of my family as stronger woman.

16 comments:

Kris said...

Supportive family makes a huge difference. I'm glad yours is such a help.

wzgirl said...

You GO, you strong woman, you. You Go! I'm so happy to hear that you are looking forward to the holidays this year - especially with everything that you've been through. I will take your lesson as my own. I'm looking forward to those days myself - with a bit of not-looking-forward-to-them as well. It is all so very relative. Sometimes relatives help in that arena -- and in your case, that certainly seems to be so.

Much love to you and your family.

XOXO

Melissa said...

Good for you girl. Family does make such a difference-like Kris said. Have an awesome holiday season and enjoy just spoiling yourself and the hubby!...and the family! :)

chloe said...

You are so lucky! What a blessing to have family support you through this.

Unfortunately I am the opposite of you - no familial support and dreading the holidays. Maybe your xmas cheer will be contagious.

Bea said...

I love this post. I love the bit about making up your own mind how to approach something. I love the bit about spending Christmas as a stronger woman. I love the bit where your husband doesn't read your blog, just expects you not to keep secrets from him. These are sentiments worth recording.

May this strength stay with you through everything, or at least return quickly after those inevitable moments of doubt.

Bea

CA Momma said...

That's what I want to hear -STRONGER- feels good doesn't it?

Barely Sane said...

Steph...

What a great post. I am also like you - I relate more to blogs than books. They are real and not sanitized - just honest, heat of the moment emotions and decisions. True life.

I'm glad you are looking forward to the holidays with your family. They sound wonderfully supportive and that makes a huge difference.

May all your dreams come true soon.

Hugs

My Reality said...

I relate to this post on so many levels. I think looking at adoption as an adoptee is a different ball of wax, at least it is with me. I hope you keep your strength and have a fantastic holiday season.

not so fertile girl said...

Oh, a fresh new year...a clean slate...no mistakes yet...I too enjoy the starting over point of a new year. Best wishes for an exciting new year for us both!

kell said...

Hi! I'm glad you found my blog. I am going to bookmark yours as well. Its nice to meet people going through the same journey.

NikkiNix said...

AMEN to that :)

Hopeful Mother said...

You are a strong woman! It's great that you can acknowledge and appreciate your family support. Yet another sign that you are meant to be a parent - you know what's important.

{HUGS}

serenity said...

I second wzgirl. You GO girl! I love hearing this sentiment - going into the holidays as a stronger woman. LOVE that thought.

In fact, if you and Bea aren't careful, you're going to get me looking forward to the holidays... :)

Thanks for this post. LOVE getting inspiration from my blog babes... :)

Baby Blues said...

I agree "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". And I'm glad you feel stronger! We all are, to be able to endure this. But sometimes I have to admit, I'm not that strong. Seeing pregnant cousins still makes me crumble. But in time, I'll be stronger. Thanks to our supportive families and patient husbands.

OHN said...

Princess~I am going to the BCS game in Glendale in a few weeks....what is the weather like in early January there? I am hoping you say cold so I can wear a sweatshirt to hide my flab.

CA Momma said...

Hey girl! Where are you at?