Friday, July 25, 2008

be still my beating heart

This post title is two fold.
First off, the DHEA is making my heart race. I dropped down to 25mg twice a day instead of three times and will see if I can chill out for awhile. So far I can't tell it's doing anything, then again, I'm not sure I'll really see any effects. I bought a three month supply and will stick to it. After those 90 days I may call it another failed experiment and move on.

Second off, biomom went AWOL from outpatient treatment.
Evil **YEAY*** inserted here.
CM came by for a visit and mentioned she was going to have to do a drop-in to one of mom's visits because she hasn't made contact with mom. Stated she's sent letters and tried calling her at the outpatient facility. no response. I thought this was strange because mom isn't like that. I dismissed it.
Then the worker who does his visits mentioned she had difficulty contacting mom to confirm the visit, and the outpatient facility stated she wasn't there.
I am unclear if she was never there or if she went and left.
Either way it goes against her treatment plan.

As a CM, EVERY parent I had that didn't follow their plan relapsed.

So now I hope, which is sad, but oh well. I'm over feeling guilty for wishing bad things on a bad parent. If her relapsing means I get to keep my Sweet Pea, I'll wish on every star in the galaxy. After all, she's an adult who can make her own decisions. So really, no amount of my wishing will have any real effect, but it will sure make me feel better!

Not much else to report. He's teething again but nothing I can see so far. I think it's his top teeth working their way down.
Started on solids and he's a piggy. Sometimes worry he eats too much!
He loves the mesh baggy.... I've put peaches in it, which he pulverized, but mostly the toddler poofs. He likes to chew on them and then sucks on it once they are mush. He screams when it's gone or he drops it. He's still got some kind of short circuit on his hand eye coordination. Like he does not realize he can hold onto it and put it in his own mouth. Instead, he will sit there like a bird with his mouth wide wide wide open until you put it in there for him.
It's quite comedic. I think he's just being a lazy daisy.


Anonymous said...

In the beginning, the DHEA made my heart race like mad. I couldn't stand it. I went down to one pill a day and then worked my way back up to three. Now, I take two in the morning and one mid-late afternoon and I don't have any problems with the racing heart anymore. I really didn't think it was doing anything either, until I had an antral follie count and there were actually follies to count. It had a good result on my FSH, it came down from 10.8 to 6.6. So, it is doing something, I just don't know exactly what. I guess my whole point in telling you all of this is that it does do something, so if you can stand it, stick it out for a while.

Is it bad that I am wishing the same thing you are? She doesn't realize the true gift she was given, but you do. Clearly, Sweet Pea is better with a mom you cherishes him and sees him for the miracle he really is. I am hoping for you, Steph, I really am!

lauren said...

I'm holding my breath and keeping my fingers crossed for you. And for him. He deserves to grow up in a place where he is loved and well taken care of.

Bea said...

Hope the DHEA symptoms settle.

As for the other... it would be wonderful if the little guy could stay with you. Of course, it would be great if people didn't fuck their lives up so much that they became unfit for parenting, but as you say, she's an adult and her decisions are her responsibility. Would be nice to have some stability for SP one way or the other.


OHN said...

How long before the court is allowed to step in and tell her that she has screwed up and has no parental rights?

(Don't even get me started on the judicial system that returns kids to parents like won't be a pretty comment.)

Ok, I am not feeling guilty at ALL about hoping sweet pea gets to stay put and you shouldn't either. She has had her chance to play nice.

Diane said...

I've heard of DHEA, but I'm not sure what its for. But I hope it works for you!

My real comment is about sp's mom. I know exactly how you feel. there are 3 of us foster moms with 3 kids who are siblings who weren't able to stay together (its a long story.) Anyway, each time "mom" messes up, we all hold our breaths and hope this will be the majic bullet that terminates her right completely. Actually, I think she may have done it this time, but we are waiting to hear. We are not heartless. If she were truely trying I would be right there supporting her efforts and hoping she would manage to get her kids back. But she just keeps messing up and and I think this last one was the proverbial straw. I feel for my A. because she wants nothing more than to go home. I feel sorry for me because i want nothing more than for A. to realize how her mom is and to want to stay here with us. I leave it all in God's hands!


Marthavmuffin said...

My Jamies' birthmom was about to get Jamie IN the treatment center within the month when Jamie was 3 months old, when she chose to leave the treatment center when her boyfriend (Jamie's Dad) got out of jail. She never did another thing towards her case plan except make it to a few more visits when Jamie was btn 3-6 mos old. I hate to say it but it's better that she messes up now than later.

Kellie said...

Haven't "heard from you" in a while so I just wanted to check in and let you know I was thinking about you, hoping all is well and happy.