Thursday, August 31, 2006

And what exactly do I get?

It has begun. Our fertility fund account is officially depleated, the checks signed and handed over, the schedule arranged, the medication has changed hands. I would say there's no going back, but that's not entirely true as I could change my mind at any moment and call the whole thing off......... but I won't!

My 1st appointment was this morning and we're ready to go. I'm off the pill (Thank God) and ready to start the injections in a few days. My baseline follicle count is higher then the first go of IVF, which is a good start. Hoping the positive news will keep coming in!!!

With all of the above, the nerves are also making their initial appearance. It's all just theoretical until the money changes hands. Writing that big ass check and handing it over is a strange sensation. Shouldn't I get a car or something for this amount? Then a second whammy at the pharmacist, another 3 grand and change. Bringing the current total to around $14000. Definitely should get a car..........

Those that know me know I am not a stresser outer. I am not a worry wart or an anxiety attack waiting to happen. What I am is a what iffer. I can go back to everything in my entire life and mentally argue every aspect of that event. What if this, what if that. This makes me indecisive and unable to let go. Of anything.
I make decisions about people's lives all day at work, but can't formulate an opinion about where to go to dinner. I'm starting the what if conversation about trying IVF again after the first round failed completely. To see this money come and go with nothing to show for it is very difficult. Then to voluntarily do it again? You can see my dilema.

But here we are again and I'm not changing my mind.

Here's a lost thought..............
Writing in this blog is suddenly reminding me of the end of every Doogie Howser episode~
He sits at his computer and ponders that episode's dramatic occurance and draws some kind of poetic conclusion.
Just a though................

So here we go. Game on. Getting the show on the road. In five days it's injections twice a day, then a few days before anther Dr. appointment with blood work and an ultrasound. From there they may change the meds around, add some, subtract some, depending on how the follicles are progressing. Current ETA for egg retrieval is 9-14, my Birthday. Hoping a happy b-day with good news and tons and tons of eggs! Good eggs. No, don't send me eggs for my birthday, I'll produce my own~

1 comment:

Doris & Ez said...

ACK!! I didn't know you'd started a blog! You go, girl! I love what you've written so far and of course I'll keep checking in. Good luck on the IVF - we'll be thinking of you!