This has got to be the most sporadic blog ever. How long can one go between blog thoughts? Apparently a long time. Not that the thoughts weren't there, those darn things never leave, but the time and drive to write are definitely hit and miss. Obviously.
Right now I am in a Masters in Counseling program. For the first year, I feel like I learned nothing. It was a review of ethics, child development, and sexuality. My class consists of 8 people, most of us have been together since Day 1. We know each other too well and our stories and viewpoints are getting old even to us. We just began a new class, Marriage and Family Counseling. FINALLY. The good stuff.
Most days I battle my own thoughts of failure. Turns out my daughter is still a struggle for me, and now my son has issues with emotional regulation. They are both too loud, to quick to anger, and constantly arguing or ignoring me. I wonder why I think I am going to be a therapist when my own house is in disarray - then I remember, those who can't do, teach! My my how I hate that saying, but in this case I will use it to my advantage because it is partially true. An excuse to be sure, but a verifiable one I will mold to my needs.
Originally this blog was about my journey through infertility and I connected with some pretty amazing people. It was a source of support, inspiration, friendship, and peace I so desperately needed during that time in my life. I cherished every comment and spent hours reading what everyone was doing and hoping I could provide some level of feedback and support to those far away friends.
I have adopted two children and have the family I thought I wanted. Not that I don't want it, it's just not the one I had ever imagined having. I can't say I have overcome infertility - there are still many moments I allow myself a pity party for my broken parts, wallowing in the what ifs, sending silent wishes for a miracle. Still.
My days now are spent looking for solutions for our daily chaos. I have some new friends who have therapeutic children and provide inspiration the way my infertility bloggers did years ago. Maybe that's why I thought about this page and decided to visit it again. I considered starting a new blog, with a new name and new ideas, but I find it too difficult to just cut off my past. I had some amazing thoughts over the years! Ha!
My goal is to write once a week. Not for you, if there is a you, but for ME. I want to find ways to step out of my snarky comfort zone complaining about all the things that haven't gone according to plan and instead find gratitude for what has landed in my lap. My kids are beautiful. I mean, model quality watch out, I'm screwed attractive kids. I could have ugly AND problematic kids, so thanks powers that be for this gift. How's that for a start?