I've always been a bit of a daydreamer. OK. That's an understatement. I am a major daydreamer. Being creative makes it all the more interesting. Being a stay at home parent makes it all the more frequent.
This week I've been having a reoccurring fantasy that I lose my memory. Car accident, slip and fall walking, the damage comes in different forms. Some of the time I am hurt and in the hospital, some of the time I am fine except for the brain damage. Every once in awhile I take it a step further and imagine I lost 50lbs and all my wrinkles disappeared.....
Then I have to find out who I am by finding out who I was. I send out a group e-mail to everyone in my contact list asking for people to volunteer their time to fill me in.
But really, I HAVE my memory. This is a ploy to find out what people really think about me. To see why ex boyfriends are, well, exed. To find out why I don't talk to this friend anymore and why the other one still puts up with me.
Some of the time I truly lose my memory and have to start over. I have to decide if the new me still loves my husband, wants to do foster care or even have children, etc etc.
I know there's been movies about this sort of thing and a few TV shows, but it's all new and genuine when it's scripted in my head.
How about you. What's your daydream/fantasy? Either your current or favorite, inquiring minds want to know~
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
good, bad, ugly
Today was the first visit between Sweet Pea and his mom without my presence.
We have good news and bad news.
Good news~
The girl who transported and supervised is awesome. She was at one of the visits a while back in which he screamed the entire time, so she knew the potential for meltdown. We discussed it in advance and she understood why I was concerned. OK. not just understood. She acknowledged it.
***That sounds stupid but other foster parents can attest that acknowledgement of our concerns is hard to come by.***
She asked some good questions, including how Sweet Pea is with strangers. I had to say that I didn't know. I am always with him! If I'm not with him, he's with my husband, and then usually at home. So I wasn't sure how he'd do even with her.
I sent toys and stuff to keep him occupied and distracted.
I put him in his own car seat.
He had a long nap and a big bottle right before leaving for the visit.
He was in a great mood.
Bad news~
Mom was 40 minutes late.
He screamed within 60 seconds of her arrival.
He continued to scream the rest of the visit.
Back to the good news~
He didn't cry in the car.
He was laughing and playing with the case aide before mom's arrival.
This shows that sadly, he hates his mom. She is the only person that he freaks out about.
The case aide is documenting all of this.
She told me mom kept making her comments that 'he needs to get to know me again' (she did this all the time with me and I just kept my big mouth shut) and the case aide called her on it. She told her he'd never even seen her before and was perfectly fine. mom cried.
The ugly~
So yeah, it's sad he had to be traumatized by the visits. But I cannot tell you how peaceful it feels knowing it's not me, it's her.
I kinda feel like an asshole.
But not really.
We'll see how it goes from here. I know they will continue to do the one hour visit with just Sweet Pea and Mom, but no word on how the 2 hour visit with all the kids will play out. I just don't see how a single case aide is going to supervise the visit and juggle Sweet Pea while he screams his head off.
And more good news, I think I'm making some progress on self soothing at bedtime. Last night and thus far tonight, he's put himself to sleep. I am knocking on wood and so should you. Really. Find some wood. Give it a knuckle. Now. Please.
We have good news and bad news.
Good news~
The girl who transported and supervised is awesome. She was at one of the visits a while back in which he screamed the entire time, so she knew the potential for meltdown. We discussed it in advance and she understood why I was concerned. OK. not just understood. She acknowledged it.
***That sounds stupid but other foster parents can attest that acknowledgement of our concerns is hard to come by.***
She asked some good questions, including how Sweet Pea is with strangers. I had to say that I didn't know. I am always with him! If I'm not with him, he's with my husband, and then usually at home. So I wasn't sure how he'd do even with her.
I sent toys and stuff to keep him occupied and distracted.
I put him in his own car seat.
He had a long nap and a big bottle right before leaving for the visit.
He was in a great mood.
Bad news~
Mom was 40 minutes late.
He screamed within 60 seconds of her arrival.
He continued to scream the rest of the visit.
Back to the good news~
He didn't cry in the car.
He was laughing and playing with the case aide before mom's arrival.
This shows that sadly, he hates his mom. She is the only person that he freaks out about.
The case aide is documenting all of this.
She told me mom kept making her comments that 'he needs to get to know me again' (she did this all the time with me and I just kept my big mouth shut) and the case aide called her on it. She told her he'd never even seen her before and was perfectly fine. mom cried.
The ugly~
So yeah, it's sad he had to be traumatized by the visits. But I cannot tell you how peaceful it feels knowing it's not me, it's her.
I kinda feel like an asshole.
But not really.
We'll see how it goes from here. I know they will continue to do the one hour visit with just Sweet Pea and Mom, but no word on how the 2 hour visit with all the kids will play out. I just don't see how a single case aide is going to supervise the visit and juggle Sweet Pea while he screams his head off.
And more good news, I think I'm making some progress on self soothing at bedtime. Last night and thus far tonight, he's put himself to sleep. I am knocking on wood and so should you. Really. Find some wood. Give it a knuckle. Now. Please.
Monday, June 02, 2008
DING DING DING
IIIIIIIInnnnnnnnnnn THIS corner, standing five feet four inches weighing in at I have no idea, it's BIOMOM~
AAAAAAnnnnnnnnnd in THIS corner, standing five feet five inches weighing in at none of your damn business, it's FOSTERMOM~
ding ding ding
***Do you have any children?***
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BIOMOM HAS TAKEN THE FIRST SWING AND IT'S A DOOZY
***When you do you'll be a great Mom ***
BIOMOM HAS LANDED THE PUNCH! FOSTERMOM IS LOOKING DISORIENTED AND WE'RE ONLY IN THE FIRST ROUND!
IT'S ROUND TWO.... LET'S SEE IF FOSTERMOM CAN COME BACK FROM BIOMOM'S HARD RIGHT HOOK AT INFERTILITY!
***I don't want fostermom coming to visits anymore ***
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN BIOMOM HAS COME OUT SWINGING!
***I don't like that fostermom acts like she's Sweet Pea's Mom when she's not ***
OH NO!!! BIOMOM JUST THREW THE HEART PUNCH OF THE CENTURY!!
FOSTERMOM LOOKS AS THOUGH SHE MIGHT BE OUT OF THE FIGHT!
***Even though Sweet Pea screams the whole visit, won't let me hold him or feed him, and cries when I make eye contact with him, I'm his biomom and I don't have to let fostermom attend ***
AND SHE'S DONE IT!!!! IT APPEARS BIOMOM HAS LEVELED FOSTERMOM WHO IS LAYING ON THE MAT MOTIONLESS!!!
DESPITE HER METHAMPHETAMINE USE WHILE PREGNANT, DESPITE HAVING SEVEN CHILDREN WHO ARE NOT IN HER CARE, DESPITE HAVING THE COMMON SENSE OF AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILD........
THERE'S NO TELLING HOW OR IF FOSTERMOM WILL BE ABLE TO COME BACK FROM THIS! THE TEN COUNT HAS BEGUN!
WAIT!!! THERE'S MOVEMENT ON THE MAT!
NEVER MIND LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE LAST BITS OF SANITY OR EMOTION SEIZING OUT OF FOSTERMOM'S BODY, OR MAYBE TREMORS OF PAIN FROM THOSE INFERTILITY PUNCHES.
EITHER WAY FOLKS IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR FOSTERMOM~
AAAAAAnnnnnnnnnd in THIS corner, standing five feet five inches weighing in at none of your damn business, it's FOSTERMOM~
ding ding ding
***Do you have any children?***
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BIOMOM HAS TAKEN THE FIRST SWING AND IT'S A DOOZY
***When you do you'll be a great Mom ***
BIOMOM HAS LANDED THE PUNCH! FOSTERMOM IS LOOKING DISORIENTED AND WE'RE ONLY IN THE FIRST ROUND!
IT'S ROUND TWO.... LET'S SEE IF FOSTERMOM CAN COME BACK FROM BIOMOM'S HARD RIGHT HOOK AT INFERTILITY!
***I don't want fostermom coming to visits anymore ***
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN BIOMOM HAS COME OUT SWINGING!
***I don't like that fostermom acts like she's Sweet Pea's Mom when she's not ***
OH NO!!! BIOMOM JUST THREW THE HEART PUNCH OF THE CENTURY!!
FOSTERMOM LOOKS AS THOUGH SHE MIGHT BE OUT OF THE FIGHT!
***Even though Sweet Pea screams the whole visit, won't let me hold him or feed him, and cries when I make eye contact with him, I'm his biomom and I don't have to let fostermom attend ***
AND SHE'S DONE IT!!!! IT APPEARS BIOMOM HAS LEVELED FOSTERMOM WHO IS LAYING ON THE MAT MOTIONLESS!!!
DESPITE HER METHAMPHETAMINE USE WHILE PREGNANT, DESPITE HAVING SEVEN CHILDREN WHO ARE NOT IN HER CARE, DESPITE HAVING THE COMMON SENSE OF AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILD........
THERE'S NO TELLING HOW OR IF FOSTERMOM WILL BE ABLE TO COME BACK FROM THIS! THE TEN COUNT HAS BEGUN!
WAIT!!! THERE'S MOVEMENT ON THE MAT!
NEVER MIND LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE LAST BITS OF SANITY OR EMOTION SEIZING OUT OF FOSTERMOM'S BODY, OR MAYBE TREMORS OF PAIN FROM THOSE INFERTILITY PUNCHES.
EITHER WAY FOLKS IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD FOR FOSTERMOM~
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