foster care updates and such

The boy may be leaving.

-sniff-

This is the risk you take when you sign up for foster care. You risk giving your heart to this little soul, only to have it fly away.
He is such a wonderful baby, smiling all the time. ALL THE TIME. hard to believe any person of any age could be this happy, but he is.

We have no details yet, only that the MGM is being considered for placement. I have a call in to the case manager trying to get a time line.
I am hopeful there will be enough time between now and then to work on a slow transition. He has recently become upset by strangers. He cried during the last visit and was hard to console. I know MGM works, thus will be putting him in daycare. While this is unavoidable, it will be hard for him as now he's with me all day and night. If there is time, I would like to start putting him in daycare a little at a time so he acclimates to the change.

I am hoping he is in her home before the holidays. Not only because I think it would be wonderful to have their entire family there when it means so much, but also because it will be hard to have him here for his first Christmas, knowing he will be leaving shortly thereafter (I am assuming).
His departure would also open us up for a possible sibling ADOPTIVE placement. As it stands, we are licensed for 2 children. This means we only have one opening for a possible adoptive placement. We were going to amend our license in January to three children if we knew he would be going to a relative. We have a higher chance with an adoptive home for two.

So we are sad, but trying to enjoy the time we have. I finally got him on a night time routine that is doing the trick. For future reference, he now has a bottle when he starts to get cranky, around 7:30. Then we keep him awake for 10-15 more minutes before giving him a bath. After bath we have quiet time massaging lotion on and getting into our pajamas - which I must say I have always thought babies in footsie pjs is the cutest thing ever. Then it's off to sleep. For 10 hours. TEN HOURS. Straight.
Of course the long sleeps at night mean shorter naps, but mommy loves her nightly rest!
he's also into the exersaucer. Jumping and jumping and, um, jumping! Now when you hold him on your lap he keeps on jumping, which is one of the times it's nice to be a girl without so many fragile things for baby feet to trample (0:

Now we wait and see. I'll try to update more as we go.....

And almost forgot! I found a mommy playgroup in the area and will be meeting them on Thursday at the park. While I am happy to have found a possible big people connection, I find myself dreading it as well. I hate feeling like I HAVE to make new friends. Have I mentioned I don't like people?? Should be interesting!

What's next?

I've been batting around going back to work, at least part time. not full time, because I just don't want to! But something a few days a week so I don't forget how to put make-up on, or shower, or wear something other then pajamas.

I had to go to my old office to pick up some files. I have 2 trials coming up and need to prep for testimony, so I contacted a co-worker and asked if she or anyone wanted to go to lunch. Hubs was telecommuting and able to take care of Aidan for a few hours, so off I went.
When I arrived, I was greeted by the usual "what are you doing here?" and "where's the baby?". I've had to go by the office twice since taking him in and the girls think he's cute.

I found out that there's some need for a case aide. Short version, this position is below my old one, pays crap, entails transporting kids and supervising visits. I thought maybe, just maybe, that could be fun if they'd take me. I'd be back with all my old cohorts, I'd know what I was doing, not as much responsibility as a case manager..... hmmmmmmm.

At lunch, friend and friend and I started talking about work (go figure) and the negativity kept mounting and mounting and mounting until I felt like I ordered it for lunch as a side to my burrito. Not only was I reminded of how political and bad things had gotten, at the end of the conversation the same friend who said my coming in as a case aide would be fun said "don't do it. Stay away".

I then thought about the holidays right around the corner, and how much I will enjoy the time off to see friends and relatives and shop and have company.

So I'm back at square one.

I invited my other mommy friends out for lunch and bowling this Sunday. It's my birthday on Friday, but it's not really for that. My SIL will be here from San Fran, and I thought it would be fun just to get the girls together. We don't really party much anymore, so maybe the tired and weary mommies can do something lighter, like a margarita with lunch.
I then proposed it become a monthly thing, the first Sunday of each month.
thus far I have 3 takers and we'll see where it goes from there. I could have one taker and my ass would still be heading for the door every month!!!

For now I look forward to SIL being here for five day, then MIL coming for a weekend. I look forward to going to court with the other big people and putting on high heels. I may even do something with my hair other then putting it up in a clip! I look forward to our first Christmas with a midget in the house, seeing his little face light up when he looks at the tree. And then the disappointment when I yell NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO when he tries to touch it (0:

the monotony has set in. hard. core.

I am likening this to post-par tum depression. I have heard a lot of IFers go through this. It is a naturally occurring phenomenon, happening when one wishes and tries and may even bargain with the devil for one or more desires. When they are fulfilled, all that energy implodes, causing massive hemorrhage to the emotional system.

Couple this with leaving your job and being home alone ALL THE TIME.

BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I know the opposing argument, that there are many a person saying to themselves "I would love to be able to stay at home with a baby!". My response, try it and get back to me.

It is difficult having such little interaction. I speak with some friends on the phone, but really appear to have fallen off the radar. We don't go out all that often because it's hot, and the baby naps every 2 hours and eats every 3. Changes in the schedule could (and have) lead to being awakened multiple times at night, thus rendering the decision to go out in the first place questionable. So it's me, the dog, and the baby.

Hubs was out of the country for two weeks right off the bat. Alone alone alone.
There was a 6.5 hour trip to the ER when baby spiked a 104 temp. Of course modern science as it is, they were unable to pinpoint any problems after putting in a catheter for a urine sample, sticking his hands multiple times to draw blood, and putting him in a tube contraption for a chest x-ray. All the while multiple snotty nurses seemingly questioning my parenting ability because I did not give the child any Tylenol. Excuse me, but 104 degrees means get your ass in the car and go. So fuck off.

Every morning, I go into the nursery and am greeted by this beautiful smiling face, looking at me with anticipation of a new day. He knows my voice, smiles when he sees me across a room..... I am his mom.

And all is right in the world once again.



But it could be better if I had contact with some big people, too (0: