Tuesday, February 20, 2007

THE SYSTEM

Yesterday we had our first home visit. Our worker, Eric, came over and interviewed us, then took a look around the house.
While talking, we found ourselves discussing THE SYSTEM.
I think every person in every employ has some kind of SYSTEM. And the majority of the time, it stinks. This holds true for us as well.
When asked what stresses me out, my honest response is THE SYSTEM. When I cannot provide the services one of the kids on my case load needs, or it is going to take a long time, or the person or agency assigned to provide said services proves to be incompetent ~ that stresses me out. Not having control over any of that stresses me out. And knowing there's nothing I can do and I shouldn't be so stressed out over it stresses me out.

Moving along, the interview and home tour were painless. Our house is a wreck and we are nowhere near being ready to put a child under this roof, but it is what it is. We have time, and I have patience. Well, some..... I have limits.
Working on purchasing a crib, and received my oh so cute crib bedding from eb++. If you haven't tried it, it's well worth the time you spend searching for what you want. Also worth it is Craigslist, where we are getting all the furniture. Neat little system. And why do I care if the furniture I purchase is new or used? If it's clean and it works, and I'm getting a smoking deal ($150 for an oak crib/convertable toddler bed that was used once) then howdy do for me.

I've been putting off making a dr appt. ~see here's the more serious stuff~ My periods are all over the charts, the biggest issue being my 2 week or so spotting fest before I even get a real period. Now if you do the math, I'm basically only NOT worrying about my period stuff for one week a month. The complete opposite of what should be happening. It seems as though all the doctors pushed this issue under the rug, maybe believing an acheived pregnancy would alleviate the problem and it would go away without having to really address and focus on it. Well we all know how THAT turned out; so here we are back at square one.
I think it would make more sense to go to the IF specialist because he was a reproductive specialist and that's the effected area. And it isn't like I'm not still trying to get pregnant, just not spinning my wheels at something that's not likely to be successful and drains my purse simultaneously.
Why am I putting it off.
I am a total procratinator for one, and then I think I don't know if there's any point. Previous 'cures' were always to put me on the pill. Great. That worked while I was on it (and it made me ill), but I need a reason, not a quick fix. So maybe it's the fear of more disappointment. They won't be able to fix it or even determine the cause. I know it's all so rationalized when you type it out, but it's my SYSTEM that's failing thus far.
I'll get around to it.

It's been raining a lot and our yard is a mud pit. This is not a happy thing when you have a dog and a dog door. Hope it dries out by tomorrow or we're in deep crap. Wednesday's are our class nights and we're usually out from 7AM to 10PM. Too long to lock the pooch in the house, but just enough time for him to get muddy and decide it's a good idea to take a nap on my sofa.

As an update, I am having the baby shower. I could go back and forth in my own mind all day long rationalizing it one way or the other, so F it. I put my two friends in charge and requested there be alcohol served. Lots and lots of alcohol. Because I know that no matter how much I encourage myself to believe I'm over it, I'm not. And I know there will be at least one moment at that shower when that realization creeps in and grabs me by the balls. So between whine or wine, I'll take the white.

6 comments:

CA Momma said...

Steph-
F it. You're right. Every child that enters a family needs things. Be they newborn or 10. You know that. There is no less joy welcoming an older child. I went to a shower for my friend Denise last weekend. She brought her 17 month old son home from Russia. In EVERY SINGLE face at that party there was love and excitement. Have the shower.

My Reality said...

I am glad you are having the shower - you deserve it!

And I prefer red! :)

Baby Blues said...

The shower sounds like a marvelously fun idea! Keep on pouring the drinks. ;-)

I prefer red too.

Stephanie said...

Steph,
thanks for your comment on my blog. I would love to meet in person. Email me: momwantabe@yahoo.com
I think a shower is a great idea especially one with alcohol!

Bea said...

Glad you're having the shower.

Yes, The System - the thing that takes away our control to do what we want to and think is best - is a bitch sometimes. I guess it does stop bad or misjudging people doing the wrong thing sometimes, but damn. C'mon.

I really hope you find an answer about the spotting. If you do - be sure to pass it on. There's a lot of people who'd love to know.

Bea

Beagle said...

Glad you're having a shower. I have a post in my head about adoption showers I'll have to get it written one of these days.

I did send you an invite so let me know if you still can't get in!

beagleblogger at gmail dot com